i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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