So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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