she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
where are you?
Hypothermia
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
