just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
