ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
