I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
