Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
