I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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