Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
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