I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
