Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I love having hate sex.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
