There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
