Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
