So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
My balls are so social today.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
