The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
