just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
