Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
my liver is dry heaving
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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