Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
