So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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