She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
