remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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