in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
