I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
