when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
