he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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