turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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