Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
