hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
