Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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