The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
