I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
