I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
