Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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