Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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