I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
