For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
