hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
