Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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