We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
