He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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