uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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