Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
