Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
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