that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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