no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
