your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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