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I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
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