I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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