I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Randomize
