Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
