I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
