i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
