Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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