you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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