It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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