The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
