is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
