he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
